Helpful tips for Moms: How to Help Kids Manage their Anger


Parenting is Not Easy

Parenting comes with struggles, trials, and challenges. One of the biggest challenges that parents face is their child’s inability to manage their anger. In this blog post, we will explore some useful tips on how to help kids healthily deal with their anger.

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Why it's Crucial to Help Kids with Anger Management

It's no secret that parenting can be challenging, especially when it comes to managing a child's anger. Toddlers and preschoolers, in particular, are known for their meltdowns and tantrums which can be frustrating for parents and caregivers alike. However, these moments are essential for teaching children how to regulate their emotions and express themselves effectively.

Research shows that children who are unable to manage angry feelings are more likely to develop behavioral and emotional problems in the future, hindering their social, emotional, and academic success. Parents must understand that tantrums are often a sign of stress, anxiety, or other underlying issues that need to be addressed.

By helping our little ones acknowledge and explore their emotions, we can empower them with the necessary tools to communicate healthily and constructively. With the right guidance and support, we can give our children the gift of emotional maturity, helping them navigate their world with confidence and resilience.

"Parents hold the power to transform those heated moments into lessons of compassion, self-awareness, and problem-solving skills, shaping their children's ability to face life's challenges with grace."

- Dr. Eliza Belle

Baby playing with mom

Understanding the Causes of Anger in Children

You might be wondering, "Why does my kid get so angry?" Well, children are like little sponges, soaking up everything around them, and sometimes that can be quite overwhelming! Their worlds are filled with new experiences, a lot of learning opportunities, and a roller coaster of emotions.

Without the complex vocabulary or the emotional maturity to articulate their feelings, kids can sometimes express their overwhelm, fear, or frustration through anger.

It's like when we've had a tough day and we just need to vent—our kids experience that too, but on a scale that's pretty big for their little shoes! Don't worry, because recognizing these signs is the first step in guiding them toward acknowledging and expressing their emotions in healthier ways.

Distinguishing Between Anger and Explosive Behavior in Children

It's perfectly natural for kids to feel the heat of anger from time to time; it's a human emotion, after all! But there's a significant difference between a child who is simply angered by something and one who exhibits explosive behavior.

When a child is angry, you might notice them frown, speak in a harsh tone, or become a little stubborn. However, when their behavior becomes explosive, they may shout, throw things, or have an intense tantrum that feels like a mini whirlwind.

Here's the silver lining: understanding these emotional outbursts is the key to unlocking a world of calm and mindfulness for your mini-me. When you notice that your child's anger is amping up to an explosive level, it's our cue as parents to step in with a mountain of patience and a river of empathy.

Start by acknowledging their feelings – "I see you're really upset right now, and that's okay." Then, steer them to a quiet space where they can cool off while assuring them that you're here for them. Utilize calming techniques like deep breathing or visualizing their favorite place to help diffuse the tension.

"While anger can be a fleeting emotion, often resolved with communication and support, explosive behavior is usually a sign of a deeper issue—like stress, anxiety, or frustration—that hasn't been adequately addressed. It's a call to action for parents to dig deeper and uncover what's really going on in their child's world," explains Dr. Samantha Rodman, clinical psychologist and author of "How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce".

Helpful Tips to Teach Children Healthy Coping Skills

Let’s dive into some heartwarming and constructive strategies that will help your kiddo master uncomfortable feelings.

Keep Calm

We know it's easier said than done, but staying calm while your little one is angry is a golden key to teaching them emotional regulation. Imagine yourself as the lighthouse standing firm amidst the stormy seas, guiding your child back to a place of serenity. Start by taking deep, mindful breaths - and speak in a calm voice. It helps to maintain a gentle tone and a comforting presence, showing them that even though the emotions are big, they're safe with you.

Sometimes, just sharing a quiet moment or offering a warm hug can work wonders. Remember, you are their safe harbor from the storm. It's about showing them love, even when it's hard, and trust us, your super-mom abilities to radiate peace and comfort will help your child learn self-control.

Lighthouse with quote

Acknowledge their feelings

It is important to recognize your child's feelings regardless of the situation. When they are upset, you can say "I understand that you are feeling upset, and it’s okay, but you can't be mean."

This creates an open space where your child can further express how they feel and are allowed to be angry without engaging in destructive behaviors. By doing so, you validate their feelings, and you're showing them that they're not alone – you're in this together.

Offer Solutions

Once you’ve acknowledged their feelings. You can help your child find solutions. This can be done through problem-solving. You can ask your child “What can we do to make things better?” and work together to find a solution. If necessary, you can offer suggestions to guide them to find a positive solution.

Empathize with Your Child's Anger

To truly empathize with your child’s anger is to seek understanding from their point of view, not just our own. It's about getting down to their level, looking into their eyes, and saying, "I'm here with you, and I'm here for you."

When your child sees that you're trying to understand and support rather than scold, they're more likely to become calm. Remember, young kids are not yet equipped with the tools to manage big feelings. Instead, children learn how to express anger and manage their emotions by watching their parents regulate their own behavior.

So the more you're able to stay calm and lead by good example, the more likely your child will be able to avoid meltdowns and solve problems.

Teach Them Coping Skills

Children often do not have the same coping mechanisms as adults. As a parent, it is important to teach them how to manage their emotions. This can be achieved by simple techniques such as taking deep breaths, counting to 10 before responding and using relaxation techniques. These techniques help to calm them down and take control of their emotions.

  • Encourage creative expression: Have your child rip paper, pop bubble wrap, smash playdough, or do something artistic to help them channel their emotions. It's a therapeutic way to let those feelings flow in a positive direction and can lead to some pretty amazing masterpieces too!
  • Create a 'calm down' corner: Set up a special, cozy spot in the house with comforting items like pillows, stuffed animals, and books. It's a safe place to retreat to when kids struggle feeling angry, or when things get too hectic. There they can take a time out to feel calm and snuggle with a comfort plush or a good story.
  • Practice mindfulness together: Introduce simple mindfulness exercises such as mindful listening to sounds in the environment or mindfully eating a snack, focusing on the tastes and textures. These tiny moments of awareness bring a big wave of calm.
  • Roleplay through scenarios: Sometimes, acting out different situations using their toys can give children a fantastic outlet to understand and manage their emotions from a safe distance.
  • Maintain a routine: A consistent daily schedule provides a sense of stability and security. Predictable mealtimes, playtimes, and bedtimes can help children feel more in control and reduce emotional outbursts.

Show Them Physical Affection and Love

Always reassure your child how much you love and care for them. It is important to let them know that you will always be there to help them manage their emotions in any situation. This sense of support can help them feel safe, and secure and make them feel as though they are not alone.

When your kiddos are feeling overwhelmed or when emotions run too high, remember that a gentle, reassuring touch can help bridge the gap. A simple, tender hug can be a powerful tool in communicating your support and affection.

When they don't want to talk, try other coping skills like deep breaths or physical touch to help them feel understood and cared for. Your physical presence in these moments sends a heartwarming message that they are not alone in navigating their feelings.

Mom and daughter doing yoga together

Guide Your Child Through Big Feelings

Help your child understand how to identify and label their basic feelings such as, "happy," and "sad." Encouraging them to understand and express their emotions helps them communicate and connect in a warm and meaningful way.

Begin with the basics by naming emotions and discussing what each one might feel like. You can play a game where you both make faces to match different emotions, giving them a playful and relatable way to identify what they're experiencing. For instance, a bright smile for happiness or furrowed brows for frustration.

But it's not just about identifying emotions; it's also about emotional regulation. We can help our family understand that all emotions are valid. Teach them that it's okay to feel and express what's in their heart—whether it's the bubbly giggles of excitement or tears that come with disappointment.

By talking about feelings openly, you're nurturing a child who grows up to be emotionally articulate and empathetic when feeling angry.

Developing Kids Good Behavior

Teaching your child how to manage their emotions, especially when they feel frustrated, starts from a young age and requires patience and persistence from you as a parent. Keeping consistent consequences for your child and continuing to talk openly will only help improve behavior problems.

It’s also important to remember that as adults, it is our responsibility to be the role model when our kids feel angry. Learning to manage our own emotions and taking a few deep breaths when we’re upset helps our children deal with their anger too.

For more support on how to help your family deal with early signs of aggressive behavior or tips to help your kid manage anger, download our freebie!

Let's help our children develop the right coping mechanisms for managing anger; it’s a life skill that they will value and take with them to adulthood.

Sources and Further Reading

To ensure that the advice provided in this blog post is both helpful and evidence-based, we have drawn inspiration from a variety of reputable sources. Below are some of the materials that have informed our approach to helping children manage their emotions:

  • "The Whole-Brain Child" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson: This bestselling book offers revolutionary strategies to nurture children's developing minds.
  • "Parenting from the Inside Out" by Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell: This resource provides a deeper understanding of how our own childhood experiences shape the way we parent.
  • American Psychological Association (APA): The APA provides a wealth of resources on child development and psychology, which we reference for the latest research and recommendations.
  • "Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child" by John Gottman: A seminal book that provides guidance on teaching children to understand and regulate their emotions.
  • The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning (CSEFEL): CSEFEL offers research-based strategies for promoting the social-emotional development and school readiness of young children.
  • Child Mind Institute: An independent, national nonprofit dedicated to transforming the lives of children struggling with mental health and learning disorders.
  • The Positive Parenting Program (Triple P): This program offers practical, evidence-based parenting advice.

For practical tips and daily inspiration on nurturing resilience and emotional intelligence in children, be sure to follow @thelittlevirtuesbooks on Instagram. Our interactive stories and activities are designed to empower parents and engage children in meaningful learning experiences.